Thinking back with thankfulness

I think that it is easy, when you are in the midst of dealing with a terminal illness, to let your vision becomes so myopic you can't see anything but what is right in front of you. I often think of Alan in terms of how his health and thinking are being affected, or what doctor I need to see, or what medication I need to check out. Huntington's Disease brings out the frantic mama bear in me. I want to do what I can, more than I can. I lose sleep. I walk in a fog of pain and fear.

But today I stopped and thought back to that sweet little boy that we brought home 30 years ago. There are certain pictures that I see in my mind: the picture of him in that cute little suit I made for him. He was 4 and looked like an angel. The picture of the pensive little man on the day our adoption was made final. Remembering our trip to a zoo that same day. Alan with a wide satisfied grin right after his first (and it turns out only) successful part in a Christmas play.

I can almost trace his life through pictures we have taken and hold dear. It is good to think back, to remember the joy that we have shared, and to believe that there are many good times we have yet to experience.

We are getting some supports in place for him to be more safe where he is right now. Medical equipment will be ordered, we'll try to get a palliative care consultation soon so that we make him even more comfortable, less anxious.

Thanksgiving is coming next week and it's time to stop, take a breath, and really BE thankful. We are looking forward to time with our son, and with our family. We'll be with people who love us and support us in ways that no one else can. We'll be thankful.

Comments

  1. Being Thankful and mindful about it in the midst of such stress is a place of peace. Rest in this peace. God's peace. May he take care of you, Kenny, and Alan as you walk this journey.

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