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Showing posts from March, 2016

God's Best

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." ~ C.S. Lewis

This week has been hard for me.  I'm a mess emotionally, forgetting things at work, and having trouble concentrating.  

I know God is good.  I know He loves us all, and that He will see us through.  As we enter each fresh hell, He gives us the strength to keep going.

Thank you, Jesus, for our sweet son and the time we have with him.

The Dark Tunnel

When a train goes through a tunnel, and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off.  You sit still and trust the engineer. ~ Corrie ten Boom

A sweet friend posted this quote on her Facebook page this week.  It was a message I needed to hear, and I thanked her for posting this reminder of God's sovereignty.  He is the Engineer and we must trust Him in the darkness of the tunnel.

I struggle with feeling helpless in the dark tunnel of HD.  How I would love to jump off this train, but that is not a choice.  We must sit still, and trust our divine Engineer.  He alone knows the way through the tunnel.

Yesterday, I read Psalm 22.  Generations before Jesus hung on the cross, David wrote of the struggle of being in that dark place and feeling abandoned.   I always marvel at the way God shows us that He is prepared for the unthinkable.  He knew, well before the struggle of the cross, what would face His Son and He was prepared to guide Jesus through that dark night of th…

Showers of Blessing

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There shall be showers of blessing,
This is the promise of God.
There shall be seasons refreshing
Sent from the Savior above.

    Showers of blessing
    Showers of blessing we need:
    Mercy drops round us are falling,
    But for the showers we plead.

God knows when we need to be encouraged.  He knows when our hearts have taken a beating.  I am so thankful for His care and mercy when He gives us a time of refreshment.  Today was such a day and such a time.

The last few times we have seen Lacy, he has been angry and paranoid.  After several visits had to be cut short due to his anger, both Kenny and I found ourselves weary of the familiar pattern.  A few minutes into a visit, we would say the wrong thing, and Lacy would begin to "call" the Springdale Police saying he needed help.  He turn to one of us, wave his index finger in the air and let us know "I refuse to be your parent!" or "I refuse to be my beloved son." (Translation:  I am no longer your son, you …

Dog Heaven

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On Thursday, we said goodbye to our 12 year old Boston Terrier.  Lucky was a great dog, and a loyal companion.

Lucky came to us after my sister and her family were unable to keep him when they had to relocate.  I couldn't stand the thought of him being sent to a shelter, so Kenny and I volunteered to take him.

Over the last 7 years, Lucky has been my little shadow, following me everywhere.  He was never happier than when he was cuddled up to either Kenny or I and snoring away.  In fact, Lucky was famous for his snoring.  We had to put him in a room across the house from us in order to get some sleep.

Lucky loved his girlfriend, Violet, and was a great buddy for our little rescued Frenchie.  Violet is quiet and sad now as she searches for her buddy and looks at us in confusion when it's time to go to bed.  Where's Lucky? she seems to ask.

In the 36 hours before we said goodbye, Lucky struggled to take a breath.  Some sort of allergic reaction morphed into a deadly spiral…

Never Separated

It seems that the older I get, the more I have little ideas and thoughts niggling at the back of my brain.  I'll realize that I've been feeling overwhelmed or that I am worrying deep in my heart.  I have to stop and ask myself what I am worrying about.  Have I forgotten something?  Is there a deadline I am ignoring that I need to address?  Is it just a feeling or is it some burden that I am carrying without confronting it head on?

Last weekend, Kenny and I went to Little Rock.  I was attending and presenting a session at an educational conference there.  We spent the night in a hotel.  My sleep was fitful.  Maybe it was that I wasn't in my own bed. (Yes, I'm at that age!!) But I realized I was also feeling anxious.

In the last few weeks, Lacy has become quieter.  I don't mean that he is not still volatile at times, or that he is suddenly compliant.  He is getting quieter; his voice is disappearing.  Sometimes he barely speaks, only smiles and nods at us.  He strugg…

A Pair of Shoes

There is a pair of shoes in the closet in our guest room.  I bought them for Lacy.  Over the last several years, I've bought this particular style and brand for Lacy two pair at a time.  They are slip on shoes, and they can be washed.  We were able to change them out whenever he needed them.  I won't be ordering any more shoes.

Lacy has three pair now - one at the nursing home, one that I have washed, and the pair in the closet.  He won't need extra shoes.  He doesn't walk anymore, so there is no need to order multiple pair.  He has taken to wearing the socks with grips on the bottom.  I think they are more comfortable.

It is a little sad seeing the shoes in the closet.  One more loss.  But they can still be used, and will be used, by Lacy for a while longer.

We don't know when we'll need to pack those shoes away, but it is not today.  Today they are just a pair of shoes in the closet.