Thanksgiving

Our Thanksgiving with family has come and gone.  Alan is back at his apartment now.  I left him there, and waved goodbye, although he did not acknowledge me at all.

Alan was able to stay with us for two days and two nights.  We picked him up from his apartment on Wednesday afternoon.  He was suspicious of us right away so we promised him a milkshake.  We got to the house and he walked in with just his drink.  He had nothing with him - I had purchased clothes for him earlier that day so that we wouldn't have to pack anything.

From the beginning he was desperate to go back to his apartment, trying to get out of the doors, yelling at us, begging us to take him back.  He threatened to go to the police and have us arrested.  Kenny and I took turns keeping watch during the night.  We had to be ready at a moment's notice to block his access to the outside doors.  His desperation came in waves.  Alan would be calm for a few moments, then he would begin to become agitated, and start pointing his finger at us, shaming us for what we were doing to him.  

Thanksgiving day itself was enjoyable.  He seemed happy to be with extended family.  Our only glitch was his unshakeable belief that it was July of 2013.  He was upset at the sweaters worn by this aunts, uncles, and cousins.  

The agitation continued after everyone left, including two very disturbing bouts of uncontrollable weeping on Alan's part.  

The weeping is perhaps the most difficult to experience.  I can only speculate why he cries as huge shuddering sobs wrack his body:  He must realize something is wrong, but he can't express his confusion in words.  He allows me to hold him, whispering that it will be ok.  It is in some ways an empty promise - I know it will never be ok again - but I also know that I will do my best to help him as he suffers through this disease.  

We find ways to be thankful.  Kenny and I are so grateful with the Alan we know shines through and we see that grin, or the happy spring in his step that is so familiar. We find comfort in our family and the support they give just by being willing to be here with us. We are thankful for the staff at Alan's apartment.  They love him and care for him with a dedication that is so appreciated.  




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day by Day

Alan is doing better since his hospitalization.  His outbursts are fewer, and are less "pitched" than before his med changes.  The staff assigned to him at his group home are doing well with him.  They have to pick their battles, as we all do, and are trying to keep him to a schedule. We took Alan to his neurology appointment this week.  Usually when someone asks Alan how he is doing, he just says "fine," but on this day he answered, "My knees are weak, and I have to lean over and hold on to things." After examination, Alan's doctor recommended physical therapy, as Alan is perilously close to falling.  While we don't know if Alan will be able to follow a therapists directions, or will even want to cooperate, we will arrange for a consultation. I can deal with the nuts and bolts of being an advocate and sometimes caregiver for my son, but I find it hard to maintain the focus I need when I hear his say that he is having trouble walking.  It is
Read more

Our Sweet Beloved Son

Image
Lacy Alan Goff passed away into the arms of Jesus early in the morning of May 28, 2016.  We were called to the nursing home about 1:30 am. God has shown His mercy.  Lacy was still himself most of the time. He was mostly happy and always had a smile on his face.  We do not have to watch the slow decline of HD rob him of what was left of himself. We have been privileged to be Lacy's parents for 35 years.  He has been a joy in our lives and hearts.  We had such hard times, but Lacy never failed to try his hardest.  He was a worshipper of the Lord Jesus and a man of faith.  He slipped into heaven in his sleep.  What a joyous homecoming party in heaven! "Soady Pops" for everyone!! Now it is left to us to plan our goodbye and to keep walking our own road of faith knowing that our sweet beloved son is in the arms of our Lord and Savior. My last words to him yesterday afternoon were "I love you."  He smiled at me.  I hugged him.  On the way home, a scripture sud
Read more

Beyond Amsterdam

If you are the parent of a developmentally disabled child you have heard this one: You booked a flight to Paris - it was your dream destination - but somehow your plane landed in Amsterdam. Now, Amsterdam is not Paris, but it has its points. There is beauty there, you can see things you never imagined, you are entranced with its flowers, the lovely buildings. No, it's not Paris, but it's still great. And you feel richer because you have visited a place that you would never have chosen, but which has brought you great joy. This story is used to explain the initial confusion, but eventual joy in the experience of being blessed with a developmentally disabled child. It is a wonderful analogy, and certainly does capture the experience of a parent who is living a different parenting life than was imagined or dreamed about. However... Your child is now an adult. As comforting and empowering as the Amsterdam story is, it does not capture the experience of the parent of an adult
Read more