Our Ten Talents

My Dear Sweet Beloved Son,

It’s been nearly two weeks since we lost you.  Time crawls.  It seems like a lifetime.  I don’t know where to put my feet, or how to walk in this world without you.

I love you.  I miss you. 

I miss your deep voice “It’s my sweet beloved mom!”  Bless you for that wave you always gave me as I came into the dining room to see you each day.  I miss just sitting with you, even if you were talking to other people (always behind me…just out of eyesight…).  I loved being able to talk to you about Friday.  Every day was Friday.  It has always been my favorite day of the week, and yours as well. 

I’d love to be able to feel your arms squeezing me in that “crusher” hug.  I wish I could give you another high five.  I would have kissed you every day, but you told me that “kisses are for childish people and I am not a childish person.”   Our high fives were the kisses I had for you. 

As I was walking this morning, I had a realization.  You were our “ten talents.”  God gave you to Dad and I, and we invested everything we had in you.   In turn, you invested in us and in everyone you encountered.   What a wonderful man you became!  You were our pride and joy, and our challenge and puzzle.   It seems God was ready to reclaim His “talent.”

I know that now you are rejoicing in heaven, and that all the burdens you carried here have been lifted.  I don’t wish you to be back. I know you are where you are supposed to be. 

As a mom I made mistakes.  I wasn’t perfect, but I loved you with a fierceness that sometimes surprised me.  You were the best gift God has ever given Dad and I.  We are so grateful.

Someday – in the blink of an eye for you, but probably many years for us – we will see each other again.   We will hug and kiss and you’ll tell us all your adventures since we last saw one another.   I can’t imagine what you are seeing now, but I know it is spectacular.  I know that Jesus is so happy to have you home.

Until then, sweet boy, know that Dad and I will hold you in our hearts and treasure the gift that was given to us for a short time.  


Love, Your Sweet Beloved Mom

Comments

  1. LindaJune 10, 2016 at 1:39 PM

    Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. May our Lord give you comfort and peace in these hard times.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suddenly...It's Spring

Spring comes without warning, it seems.  Suddenly everything is green, flowers are blooming, and the world is waking up.  New life is everywhere.  Robins are hopping around our backyard, some are building nests in nearby trees and shrubs.  There is an expectancy in the air. The cycle of grief is a recursive one.  Back and forth it seems to go for months on end.  Great sadness, numbness, depression, exhaustion; until one day a memory comes and it is not painful but poignant.  Rather than a tear falling, a smile comes and with it a hint of joy and a lightness of spirit. Ten months have passed since we lost our Lacy.  We made it through some big firsts; birthday, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas.  The anniversary date of his home-going is not far away. In these ten months, Kenny and I have begun to find our way into new patterns and traditions. Sunday afternoons have become a time for visiting friends, enjoying walks, or just relaxing...
Read more

Countdown

Four weeks from today will be two years since we lost Lacy. I keep getting reminders on my Facebook feed of the last few weeks of Lacy's life.  The last year, I took a picture of him every week.  I wanted to make sure I could remember him, and the good - and bad - times we had together. I feel a sense of dread about May 28.  I am thankful that it falls on Memorial Day, so we will not have to go to work.  I am also thankful that we took every opportunity to spend time with him.  The last time was 5pm on May 27, 2016.  Nine hours later, he was gone. As I drove away from the nursing home that evening, a scripture popped into my head:  ...that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection... (Philippians 3:10) That power has sustained us for nearly two years.
Read more

Day by Day

Alan is doing better since his hospitalization.  His outbursts are fewer, and are less "pitched" than before his med changes.  The staff assigned to him at his group home are doing well with him.  They have to pick their battles, as we all do, and are trying to keep him to a schedule. We took Alan to his neurology appointment this week.  Usually when someone asks Alan how he is doing, he just says "fine," but on this day he answered, "My knees are weak, and I have to lean over and hold on to things." After examination, Alan's doctor recommended physical therapy, as Alan is perilously close to falling.  While we don't know if Alan will be able to follow a therapists directions, or will even want to cooperate, we will arrange for a consultation. I can deal with the nuts and bolts of being an advocate and sometimes caregiver for my son, but I find it hard to maintain the focus I need when I hear his say that he is having trouble walking.  It is ...
Read more