One Foot In Front of the Other

I have spent a lot of the last few years latching onto ways I can help Lacy.  Kenny and I both have chosen things to worry about.  Recently, we have realized that we are trying to find some way to help, to make things better.   We've realized that there are so many things we can't fix.  We need to accept what is, and let go of the things that we have no real control over.   This put me in mind of the Serenity Prayer, and I looked up the original, written by Reinhold Neibuhr, which is well-known.  I found an expanded version that spoke to me and I've reproduced it here.   God, give me the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish  the one from the other. Living one day at a time,  Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, ...

I have been thinking this week about the struggle that Kenny, Lacy, and I are working through.  Lacy is struggling with loss of function, but he rises above it every day with his focus on "right now" and not on "tomorrow."   I want to be like Lacy. I need to see "right now" as the gift I have.  Not tomorrow, which will come with its own troubles; not yesterday, which can be at once comforting and torturous to recall.  "Right now" is where I want to live. I hear this admonition every day and see it worked out in simple ways all around me.  Our dog Violet lives in "right now."  Right now, she is sleeping at my feet.  She's content and fulfilled.  She had been fed, hugged, and petted. At school, we must live in the "right now" with our students.  Right now, children must be encouraged and supported.  Right now, they need to know that we care. The scripture is full of "right now," but we are also encouraged t...

The last several days have been a blessing for us and for Lacy.  Every visit has been pleasant.  We've been able to stay for nearly an hour at a time.  Lacy has been so happy, and we've heard from staff at the nursing home that he has been in great spirits overall. When the nurse aides gave him a shower on Wednesday, he told them he could only shower if they sang a Willie Nelson song with him.  So it was soap suds and "On the Road Again."  Everyone sang along. Today when I came by after school, Lacy told me right away it was Saturday.  I kidded with him saying "Well, if today is Saturday, then tomorrow must be....Wednesday!"  He giggled and rubbed his hands together (Lacy's reaction to extreme happiness) then said to me "I'm gonna get you for that!" and then more giggles and hand rubbing. I'm so thankful for Saturday.  Best day of the week.

This week has been difficult.  There was a transition for Lacy that had torn my heart, and I felt so sad.  Kenny reminded me, gently, that this was not a major transition, but just a minor one.  Still I felt the weight of his continued decline, and my sadness overwhelmed me. Like Peter, I was doing fairly well until the roar of the wind and the waves took my attention away from Jesus. The Lord pulled me into the boat, and I spent some time just praising Him, refocusing my heart and mind on the One who has the map through this valley.  Plus, a good night's sleep didn't hurt - Mom was right! Yesterday, when I visited Lacy, he was more animated than I had seen him in a while.  He was rejoicing over the changes that had been made for him, and these changes made him happy!! God's best.  It is sometimes painful, but it will show itself as His best.