"He's still there."

Sometimes, without thinking, I torture myself with wondering how Lacy is coping with the changes in his mind and body.   I think at times he is angry with the worsening of HD symptoms.    His paranoia must feel like a storm of racing thoughts in his brain.

I was talking to Kenny about this, and he reassured me.  "He can still laugh and get silly.  He can still be happy.  He can still smile and rub his hands together.  He's still there."

This last Sunday was a wonderful visit with Lacy.  He and Kenny were talking about getting a fan for his room.  Kenny suggested a really big, powerful fan, and Lacy grinned.

"An industrial fan..."  Lacy giggled.

Kenny jumped right on it.  "Yes, a fan so powerful that when we turn it on, it will blow everything around and out of your apartment."

"And outside..."  A big grin and laugh.

And so it went.  Back and forth, as the power of the fan became more and more fantastic.  Nearly twenty minutes of banter.

We changed the subject, and began a new thread of conversation.  It was like the storm clouds began to appear in Lacy's eyes.  The paranoia was coming back.

Time to leave, and time to bring back the fan.  "I'll look for an industrial fan,"  Kenny said, "a really big one."

Lacy smiled.  "Ok."  We hugged and kissed him goodbye.

Today I'm not going to torture myself.   Lacy is still there.  I am giving thanks for God's grace and His mercy.


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