Faith

I've been keeping up with a blog written by a young mother dealing with her infant child's terminal illness.  She details her agony as she watches her baby lose his grip on life bit by bit.  It is understandable that she feels betrayed by God.   I think those of us who have to deal with our child's mortality struggle every day with questions that aren't easily answered, and probably don't have answers in this life.

How does a parent live, week after week, knowing that every day that passes is one day closer to a crisis, a fall, the loss of speech, the loss of function?   What makes it possible to lift yourself up when a ten minute encounter with your child is so emotionally devastating that you can't get your breath?  Faith.

What is faith?  "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1)   Here's a confession:  I don't pray for my son to be physically healed from this disease.  It's not that I don't believe God is able to heal, indeed does heal, but I pray, instead, for mercy.  God be merciful.  God give us what we need to get through this second by second, day by day, year by year.   If I had more faith, would I pray for healing?  I don't think my faith is weak, not sure it's strong some days, but I have trust in God.  I'm not angry with Him.   I am aware that I live in a world in which these kinds of horrible diseases exist.

I have faith.  It keeps me from losing hope, keeps me focused on today.  Faith helps me to trust that yesterday, today, and tomorrow are in His hands.

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