One Foot In Front of the Other

My mother is settling in to her apartment at the assisted living center.  The change was hard, and was stressful for all concerned.  My sister and I took turns staying with Mom for a couple of nights, just to make sure she felt comfortable. The second night she was there was a tough one.  She was angry and overwhelmed; didn't like the food, didn't like the staff, didn't like the medication schedule.  She didn't know how to work her TV and felt angry about that.  I could tell that she was upset, and that she didn't want to be in such turmoil.  She was mourning the changes in her life.  How well I understood her disorientation. We talked about the years she spend taking care of the four of us - Dad, my two siblings, me - and she looked up at me from her recliner:  "Look who's taking care of who now." The appreciation I feel for the love and care our parents took in raising us and teaching us how to live as respectful human beings is deep. ...

Our boy was happy to see us on Valentine's Day.  We came at dinner time.  When he heard our voices he turned.  "My sweet beloved mom and my sweet beloved dad are here!"  Several of his friends looked up and the collective whispered acknowledgement "Lacy's mom and dad," went around the table. I'd found a little stuffed dog with big, round eyes and a heart around his neck -  Eye Love You.   Lacy has always had an affection for stuffed animals, so I knew he would like this one; and he did.  We waited as he finished his dinner; waited as he went to the door to speak to people who are not there.  We waited until he was able to stop and look at us for those few precious moments of connection.   Kenny and I wanted to take advantage of the eye contact and the amiable mood "Can we have a hug?" Smiling that sweet Lacy smile, he reached to put his arms around our shoulders to hug us lightly.  "A kiss?"  I asked.  He leaned ever so...

You've heard of the "sandwich generation."  I've heard it in reference to the generation of baby boomers who are caring for elderly parents and children/grandchildren.  I'll have mine with a dollop of peace and clarity, thank you very much. A week ago, my mother endured a medical crisis.  After trying to call her and receiving no answer, we called a neighbor to check on her.  When the neighbor entered the house, all the lights were off, and Mom was wandering around disoriented and confused.  We got her to the hospital and with IV antibiotics and fluids she began to improve.   My sister and her family packed up and came to Mom's house to be available for whatever was needed.  I can't imagine what would happen if either one of us was to have to manage this on our own.  My brother lives away, but we have been in contact frequently, and he is calling Mom to encourage her as she gets better. After three days in the hospital, Mom is now in rehab and w...

Last night I hurried to our HD support group meeting.  I thought I would be late - and I was by just a few  minutes - but I am so glad I did not let my schedule interfere with attending. New friends were there last night. They are delightful people who are still reeling from the diagnosis of HD.  Introductions all around included sharing our diagnosis stories.  Although most of us can tell these stories now with a measure of pragmatism, the memory of that moment is fresh in our minds and always will be. As we talked through options for sharing news with friends and family, and the implications as far as insurance and financial planning, the subject of miracles came up.  We all hope for the miracle of a cure, for the technology and the medicine to come up with a way to stop this disease.   As I thought about our meeting last night, I begin to examine what I believe about miracles. Most of the time, a miracle is considered something that happens beyond ...

Denial         Anger              Bargaining                     Depression                             Acceptance The stages of grief or of death and dying were articulated by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying .  As college students, my husband and I read and discussed this book, then left the knowledge of those stages on a shelf in our youth.  Being young and seeing the world as a place of wonder and endless possibilities, we didn't think much about Kubler-Ross's work.   Years went by and the truths in that book became our experience.  Time changes things, becomes the great equalizer.  Eventually we all have to face grief, loss, and death. Today my husband walks with his patients and their families through those stages on a daily basis.  Dying has become pa...

I love reading!  My bookshelves at home and at school are fairly bursting with books of all lengths.  My  I especially love children's books with their simple words and profound messages. One of my favorite authors is Cynthia Rylant.  She has an gift for capturing the poignancy of life in a short book.   Today I opened her picture book Scarecrow  and I realized the message in it was for me today. The book chronicles the life of a scarecrow.  Although he is made of borrowed things, he doesn't dwell on the transient nature of his life.  Instead, he rejoices in the beauty that is all around him all the time.  Rylant writes: "...and though the scarecrow knows that he can as quickly be turned back in to straw and buttons as he was turned into a man, he doesn't care.  He has been with the owls in the evening and the rabbits at dawn.  He has watched a spider work for hours making a web like lace.  He has seen the sun tremble and...

  "With Jesus, even in our darkest moments, the best remains; and the very best is yet to be."                        ~ Corrie Ten Boom Tuesday was Lacy's 6 month check up with the neurologist.  We never know what kind of mood will greet us when we go to pick him up.  The appointment was first thing in the morning, but already Lacy was angry and demanding the arrest of his overnight staff.  We were soon caught up in the "dragnet" and our guilt was discussed at the open door of the support center with an "officer." Thank goodness for Madeline, who showed up at just the right time!  Lacy was all smiles and was ready to go with us.  Madeline promised to cook a great breakfast for him when he returned. On the way to the appointment, Lacy began to sing a song we haven't heard in a while.  He was totally absorbed in the song, singing with some of the old enthusiasm. My Lord, what love is th...