Every Grain of Sand

I've been listening to Bob Dylan this week.  In the 1980s, Dylan made three Christian-themed albums.  The third was "Shot of Love."  This is the one I have had on repeated shuffle for the last few days.   I find all the songs on this album intriguing and comforting.  "Property of Jesus," "Lenny Bruce," and "In the Summertime" are great, but "Every Grain of Sand" has been the song running through my mind during the day.

In the last few weeks, HD has begun to take a bigger toll on Lacy.  He is falling more, and these falls now result in serious injuries.  A month ago, he tore a ligament in his shoulder with a permanent separation of the collar bone from the shoulder.  This week, he tripped and was catapulted over his walker landing on his face on the hard floor.  He has a broken front tooth and torn lip.  We spent a couple of hours in the ER where Lacy had 4 stitches in his lip.  He's suffering more with this fall and actually complaining of pain.  Even using his walker is not safe anymore.

It is not just the falls but we are seeing more chorea with facial grimacing and changes in his speech. Seeing the ravages of HD as permanent marks on our son is hard.  I'm struggling to hang on to hope and I know we are just beginning to experience what HD can do.  All I know to do is hang on to what I know; the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

God is on Lacy's side.  Yesterday we received a call from the medical supply company that is working to get a motorized wheelchair for Lacy.  It has been approved and will be delivered next weekend.  "It was the easiest approval I've ever worked with," our company rep told me on the phone.  I knew it would be.  God is on Lacy's side.

I have complete faith that God is with us, but I am hanging on to the faithfulness of God like someone hanging onto a strong tree in a storm.  Even though I have this assurance, I feel battered and bruised.  I know I'm not up to this task on my own.

So how does Bob Dylan fit into all this?  He is reminding me of the mystery of God.  Dylan is reminding me that the vastness of the universe is matched only by the attention God gives to each of us, to every small detail in our lives.  Jesus tells me "don't worry" and Dylan reminds me of the evidence all around me that God sees and understands.

            In the fury of the moment I can see the Master's hand
            In every leaf that trembles, in every grain of sand.

In the fury of the moment - when I see the decay that is HD - I can see God's love.  He sees us and our pain.  He experiences it with us, and carries the burden of the pain.

           Then onward in my journey, I come to understand
           That every hair is numbered, like every grain of sand.

Every single loss is seen.  The sun shines on the just and the unjust; the rain falls on the good and evil.  Our dear son is even dearer to his Heavenly Father.

          I am hanging in the balance of the reality of man
          Like every sparrow falling, like every grain of sand.



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