One Foot In Front of the Other

The old year is nearly over, with possibilities for the new year coming tomorrow. I was reading Romans 8 today. This is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible, as the words within have seen me through many a rough patch in my life. Although the last year has seen its share of ups and downs, I am renewed when I read that nothing can separate us from the love of God. No matter what happens, I am persuaded that God loves all of us, God has Alan in His hand. We are not separated from Him when things go badly, or life presents challenges. I realized that I define myself in many ways as Alan's mother. Sometimes I see myself apart from him, but mostly he is my concern every day of my life. I forget so easily that I need to depend on the grace of God to help make decisions, weather difficult circumstances, find joy in dark places. Our family has always depended on God to give us wisdom, and to guide us in day to day life. I am renewing that dependence, in my heart and mind, on t...

During a Christmas dinner this last week, my husband and I were able to reconnect with a long-time friend. She, too has had to navigate this uncharted territory of parenting an adult child with developmental disabilities. We asked how her daughter was doing, and where she was living. She told us that her adult daughter - who is several years older than Alan - was in a Human Development Center (HDC) in the eastern part of the state. "Angela" was finally in a placement that enabled her to live a productive life, while also maintaining the level of supervision she needed. Her daughter had experienced difficulties with living in a less restrictive community setting until her placement in the HDC. Although the thread of our conversation was interrupted several times with other topics and the usual diverse conversations at a dinner table, we returned to it again and again. It was as if we were grasping at a life raft in a sometimes turbulent ocean. Having someone else share ...

I haven't blogged in a LONG time, school getting started, and all the time it takes for me to just sit down in front of a computer. I wonder sometimes...will I ever get to the point that I can take "bad news" well? Another set of difficulties for Alan, some medical, some behavioral. Every time I hear about it, I want to go in a corner and hide. I feel that I have been kicked in the gut. I feel overwhelmed and wonder "what if" we can't get the behavior and the health issues under control. Our Thanksgiving was wonderful with family and friends, but Alan did not sleep at all while he was at home. I think I am getting older, and it is so much harder to deal with the non-stop behavior issues. We signed up for this, and I don't regret a moment, but I sometimes want to wave a magic wand and have this all become simpler.